Balance

Balance, I think it's something that we all wish for in life, but somehow never quite seem to reach it.  I've realized since becoming a mother, that balance is something that fluctuates more than it ever did before.  I'm constantly amazed at how often I need to redirect myself and remind myself that my old way of doing things no longer exists.  It's tough.  How many of you out there have the same problem?  How many of you out there have husbands who seem like life really hasn't changed for them?  That they seem to find that balance somehow....but it is elusive for me.  This will be a really short comment, but I promise to write more about life in general and utilize this blog how I really want to.  But if anybody reads this and has comments in the meantime, let me know :)

dilemna

What would you do if you were in my situation?  Let me explain.  I have a good job.  I make decent money, I like my co-workers, and the daycare my daughter attends is only a few blocks from where I work.  I can visit her everyday on my lunch break, and they were flexible with my schedule to give me one day off a week.  So, what's the catch right?  Well, 3 hours of my day are spent driving b/c the job is about an hour and 10 minutes (give or take) from where I live.  I guess I can't complain in some ways.  There are probably quite a few people out there who have longer commutes but actually live closer to their jobs!  Problem for me is that with a new baby and such, sleep is well...not really happening.  So the drive is really getting to me.  I fight sleep constantly while driving.  AND, it sucks up a TON of money for gas.  What is the dilemna?  Well, I've been trying to find a job closer to home.  You know, to cut down on money spent on gas, commute time, etc.  Only problem is that any job I'm applying for is a significant paycut from what I make now, which isn't good for our already tight budget.  I have a second interview for a job today that although I don't know what they could offer for pay (or if they will even make an offer) I have a feeling it's going to be significantly less that what I make now.  I have a mininum that I could ask for, but what if they can't meet that?  What would you do?  What are the pros and cons of this?  I mean, it could be a great new opportunity.  I'd have more time at home and less time in the car.  I might even be able to do some work from home whereas I can't do that now.  But it's hard to imagine the paycut and leaving a job that I feel like I have some status at.  And the headache of trying to find a new daycare.  Which could maybe have some benefits.....but my daughter is getting to the age of having stranger anxiety and we've already had one stressful daycare situation and I am not looking forward to possibly having another one.  Needless to say, this has been a very stressful time for me.  It may seem easy to figure out priorities and be able to make a decision.  But it isn't.  For a long time, my career was very important to me.  It's hard for me to imagine almost starting over, again.  But my family is also very important to me, and I want to be there for my daughter and do what is best for her.  Right now she has to make that commute with me every day.  That is a lot of time for a baby to spend in the car.  Sure, I get to spend time with her, but I can't hold her, comfort her, play with her.  It's got to be pretty darn boring.  But I am also the one constantly making the sacrifices.  Leaving jobs trying to find something better to do better for my family.  Some of you may think the decision is a no brainer.  Or that I should just suck it up and deal with the commute.  I suppose in a lot of ways none of this sounds bad at all.  But put yourself in my shoes.  Driving that far everyday with your 6 month old, struggling to stay awake and fearing you will have an accident.  Getting up at 4:30 every morning and not getting to bed until after 11 every night.  It makes for long days.  And I'm not doing much for myself at all during any of this.  Thoughts??  Comments?  Try to keep an open mind.  I'm not trying to complain.  I feel very lucky that I have a job, had an interview, have a beautiful daughter, and have the ability to even have to make this type of decision (maybe).  I guess I just need a few opinions.  Thanks for listening. 

catching up...

Well, I'm definitely not the best at blogging.  I can't even keep up with my attempt for giving thanks!  Rest assured I have given thanks like I said I would every day, just haven't blogged about it.  Sooooooo, today, I give thanks for my goofy husband.  We've been having a lot of rough times, especially since the birth of our daughter, so the email he sent me was the best.  It was an ElfYourself dance o gram created by Office Max....you plug pics onto goofy elf bodies and they dance to music.  It was hilarious!  He created one with my dad and our daughter's pics.  Too funny.  I thank him for making me laugh out loud at work today. 

Catching up can mean a lot of things to a lot of people.  I feel like I am always trying to just stay caught up on life in general.  But I realized that it's not really something you stay caught up on.  You live each day however you can, and that is all you can do.  We may stress and worry our days away thinking we'll never catch up, we'll never catch a break, but what good is that?  Our we enjoying our lives then?  I think not.  I know I had forgotten how to have fun, to laugh, to be goofy.  My daughter has been a blessing in so many ways.  One is that she brings out the kid in me.  I have never made up so many goofy songs, sounds, and faces in my life.  And it's wonderful!  I think we'll always be trying to catch up.  Instead of brooding and worrying about it, let's try to enjoy life and be thankful for what we all have. 

Giving Thanks

Well, I'm a little behind schedule because of the holiday and because our internet went a little haywire for a few days, but I am going to start today to stick to the plan of blogging each day about something that I'm thankful for.  Where is this coming from??  Not exactly from Thanksgiving, but from the following link.  http://darrenhardy.success.com/2010/11/to-be-great-be-grateful/  It's a challenge to take 3 minutes for the next 21 days to think of something you are grateful for.  You know, we all have those days, where we just feel like life never gives us a break.  We try, and try, and work our butts off, but never seem to get any closer to our goals.  It's tough.  I know, I feel like that every day.  And it's never about just one thing, but many things.  Relationships, work, family, finances, body image, etc.  There are always people that you will be envious of, people who you look at and think they have it all.  But what we fail to remember when we are stuck in those funks, is that those people do not have perfect lives either.  And that no matter what life throws at us, there is always something to be thankful for.  So, to go along with my friend, I am going to try to blog everyday about something I am thankful for.  And I am actually stepping it up a few notches for myself.  I'm not only going to blog about the little things, but I'm also going to challenge myself to be thankful each day for something that my husband does, for my child, for my pets, and for myself.  I plan on starting Thanksgiving Journal for my husband, like the person in the link did for his wife to give to him as a xmas present.  I already keep a journal for my daughter, but I want to write something everyday in her journal to thank her for.  AND, I want to get back into journaling for myself...so I not only want to be thankful each day for my wonderful critters, but also for something for myself.  ARE YOU up to the challenge????  Try it, see what it does for you.  As for today, I am thankful for my family, my health, my job, and my life.  What are you thankful for??????

Halloween Candy

On another note, I have a great suggestion for leftover Halloween Candy Bars.  Take your favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe and instead of using chocolate chips, chop up those leftover candy bars!  I did it last night and it turned out pretty good.  I made mine into bars instead of cookies (because who has time for cookies!).  Here is the recipe:

1/2 cup butter or coconut oil
1/2 cup yogurt/baby food (such as banana puree or sweet potato), or baby food prunes
1 egg
3/4 c. granulated sugar (or a little less)
3/4 c. brown sugar (packed loosely)
1 t. vanilla extract
1 t. baking powder
dash of salt
1 c. all purpose flour
1 1/4 c. whole wheat flour
roughly 2 c. of chopped up candy bars to your liking (reese's pb cups, 3 musketeer, and milky way work well)

Preheat oven to 375.  Grease a 9X13 pan (or make into cookies).  Mix all ingredients.  Bake until golden brown.  Delish!

crying....

Lately I feel like all I do is cry.  I cry because I can't help it, I cry because my daughter is so beautiful and amazing, I cry because I fear for her future, for my future, for the future of our family, I cry because I am so exhausted all of the time and I don't know how I'll make it through another long drive back and forth for work, I cry because I have no time to exercise and I despise my body right now, I cry because I want to be a good friend, a good wife, a good mom...but sometimes I feel like I'm failing on all accounts, I could probably list more, but don't have the time or energy. 

I know crying is a good thing.  It's good to release the pent up emotions, to FEEL emotions, but it makes me feel weak and frustrated.  I feel like there is something wrong with me that I cry so much.....that it happens all to easily these days.  Is it normal??  Almost 6 months after the birth of your first child to still feel this way?  Why do I feel this way so much?  What do I really have to cry about?  I ask myself these questions, and others, because I feel like sometimes there is no concrete reason. 

Don't get me wrong, I love my life.  I am thankful everyday for the gifts I have been given.  I have a wonderful daughter, cute and cuddly pets who have transitioned relatively well to the addition of our daughter, a loving family, a husband that despite our differences and marital issues - I believe would try to move the world for myself and our daughter if he needed to, I have a job, I am healthy, I have good friends.  You know, the list could go on there as well. 

Sometimes I feel like there should be a happy medium, or perhaps I just need to try harder to see the glass as half full instead of half empty.  Honestly, I know that it's okay to cry.  That it's normal, you don't always need a reason, it just happens.  It's just hard sometimes.  To think about things and see things in a positive light.  To realize that I'm not weak just because I cry.  Because really, I am just being me. 

Heartburn and headaches

I think I finally figured out that part of the problem with my heartburn and headaches last week was due to the wonderful recipe I posted with the peanut butter.  I think I have a peanut intolerance.  Not an allergy, but intolerance.  You know, I always get heartburn after eating something with peanuts or peanut butter and I realized that I was feeling pretty crappy last week but I was eating those noodles all week for lunch.  I quit, b/c of my sudden suspicion and lo and behold...no headache or heartburn!  Who knew!!  The recipe was still good though.  I'll just have to make some modifications in the future!  Another thing that is supposed to really help remedy heartburn and headache for those of you interested are Hazelwood and Amber necklaces.  A great site to check out is http://hazelaid.com/C_Products_Ad_Hazelwood.html.  Interesting information and cool jewelry to boot!  Hope it's been a Happy Monday so far!