Thursday, November 4, 2010


Lately I feel like all I do is cry.  I cry because I can't help it, I cry because my daughter is so beautiful and amazing, I cry because I fear for her future, for my future, for the future of our family, I cry because I am so exhausted all of the time and I don't know how I'll make it through another long drive back and forth for work, I cry because I have no time to exercise and I despise my body right now, I cry because I want to be a good friend, a good wife, a good mom...but sometimes I feel like I'm failing on all accounts, I could probably list more, but don't have the time or energy. 

I know crying is a good thing.  It's good to release the pent up emotions, to FEEL emotions, but it makes me feel weak and frustrated.  I feel like there is something wrong with me that I cry so much.....that it happens all to easily these days.  Is it normal??  Almost 6 months after the birth of your first child to still feel this way?  Why do I feel this way so much?  What do I really have to cry about?  I ask myself these questions, and others, because I feel like sometimes there is no concrete reason. 

Don't get me wrong, I love my life.  I am thankful everyday for the gifts I have been given.  I have a wonderful daughter, cute and cuddly pets who have transitioned relatively well to the addition of our daughter, a loving family, a husband that despite our differences and marital issues - I believe would try to move the world for myself and our daughter if he needed to, I have a job, I am healthy, I have good friends.  You know, the list could go on there as well. 

Sometimes I feel like there should be a happy medium, or perhaps I just need to try harder to see the glass as half full instead of half empty.  Honestly, I know that it's okay to cry.  That it's normal, you don't always need a reason, it just happens.  It's just hard sometimes.  To think about things and see things in a positive light.  To realize that I'm not weak just because I cry.  Because really, I am just being me. 

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